One month 4 days...

That's how long it's been since my father died. It didn't dawn on me until just a few moments ago when I was looking at the calendar. Life passes by so fast. It is hard to stop some times and just be. If your father is still alive, call him, TODAY, chat with him, tell him you love him and that you are thankful for the time you have with him. I didn't do this as often as I should have. I should have done a lot of things in my life but I didn't and there is no room for regrets. I felt guilty for a while after my father's death. Guilty that I made our visits a tit for tat kind of thing. Guilty that I didn't call once a week like he asked me to do to speak to my mom (though I really think he wanted to talk to me.) I wish he had called me more. Just to talk. Most folks know, and this included my father, I am not a phone person. I am one that only likes to talk when we are face to face or online. I always feel like I don't have much to say. I am a quiet person really, with a big mouth. But my father always said before we hung up, "You should call once a week. Just to check on us." I always thought that odd as they were very capable of checking on themselves. But, I didn't. I called when I thought of it. Which usually ran 2 to 3 weeks. I tried every other week. I even tried once a week, but when you have kids and there isn't a quiet moment... there really isn't time for a phone call. And you know that once you pick up that phone, the child suddenly has SOOO much to say to you. When right before you picked up the phone you tried to have a conversation and they would just shurg and say nothing. But if you want your kid to talk to you, pretend to call someone. . . works like a charm!
A month, 4 days. . . seems like yesterday I got that dreaded phone call. The first thing that crossed my mind when this woman calls me to tell me my father was rushed to the ER was, what hospital, I am on my way. . . but then, "he died." I had so much trouble wrapping my head around those two simple words. . . he died. My father thought he had a few more years. He told me 5 the last time we spoke, I said at least 10 and that he had to see the kids graduate from HS first. He died. . . I never understood loss until those two words. WHen you haven't lost a parent, those words don't really have much meaning. Yes we loose friends, we have grandparents that die, maybe you have a pet. There are a few that have lost family. But when it's a parent or a child for that matter, those words are the worst words you can ever hear. He died. That is beyond painful. My father, the one person in my family that I didn't mind talking to, the one person that I went to if I had issues with money or kids or even my kids schooling. He was the one I got that advice from. And he died. Now my own mother is treatin gme like the plague. I am supposed to go visit her? She doesn't even speak to me on the phone. When I call the response is short, to the point and then over. She tells my kids to shut up, which I really don't like, and then she gets a lawyer to fight for money that I don't have. . . that's a whole different blog. . .actually, it should stay private. . . All I know is I feel like an orphan. And that feeling is far worse than the feeling of, he died.

Joys of holding someone else's baby.

Ok, so you get this little bundle to hold. You love them, you coo at them, you spoil them and then YOU GIVE THEM BACK. It's so awesome. It's like all the joys of having the baby with none of the back labor, the incision below the belly, the pain, the drugs, the rush to the hospital. Just suddenly you get to hold a baby. Today I got to love on my best buds baby, Mattie. He's one cute baby. He smiles at me and gives me the high eyebrow look that says, "You one crazy lady!" Then I get surrounded by four more beautiful kids (two of them my own) wh0 want me to SHARE the baby! HEcK NO children, unless this infant is crying I am loving on him without back up thank you! I swear that Sammie thinks Mommy and Daddy brought her home a REAL LIVE DOLL! She is loving on him, to the point of smothering, and she kisses him and says, "BABY MATTIE MY BABY MATTIE!" OF course this is the same Samantha that calls everyone she meets Aunt Cassie (I swear I did not train the child to do this). The same Sammie Doodle that climbs in my lap because she just loves me. I am constantly surrounded by these LOVEABLE children. They love to be around me and I them. Of course until they cry or do something slightly more annoying than my own child then, you can have them back! TEE HEE.

I love kids. I didn't use to. You wouldn't know this now. But when I was 18 I swore I was never having children. I told my father this one day on the way out the door. I said, "I am NEVER having kids!" He assured me that I was going to change my mind and I said, "Maybe but today I don't like them don't want them and can't stand them." Why the change in tune? I dunno, I started teaching, before that I would go to work with my father who worked with severly handicapped kids, some blind, some deaf, some couldn't walk, but all needed love. I did a lot of volunteer work at that school with him in my teen years. I painted the classrooms for the kids who wanted a fresh coat of paint, got this huge thank you card from the kids too. I realized that kids are what you mold them to be. You want a sweet and honest kid you treat them that way right? I don't lie to my kids or any kids for that matter. I tell the truth as I would have wanted the truth to be told to me. The Bible teaches us this does it not? I tel lboth my kids the honest truth, in the kid friendly version of course, but it's no less the truth. Zach knows that I won't lie to him and sometimes what he wants to know is a scary subject but I tell him open and honestly. IF we all did this then the kids all over the world would be better people, stronger people and we would be able to stand on societies own two feet. But I am on a soap box now. So I shall step off it.
I love hearing what kids think of the world. WE can learn from the kids. If we just take the time to listen. How often do you just sit and listen to your child tell you whatever he/she wants to say with no repremand for what they say or what they want to know? I do this with my kids on a regular basis. I want to be their parent but also a friend they can rely on. I don't want to replace my parental role with friendship but to have an even and equal balance. I want my kids to feel safe enough to tell me anything at all. Otherwise, they will learn how I learned, from other kids! At least if I give them the tools and knowledge they can use it. Perhaps my kids can teach other kids the truth, and not something they heard or read on the internet.
Although I think Zach will one day realize that girls don't have cooties until they are 35...but I am saving that for another day.

Early rising

So this morning I woke up at 7am with the WORST headache and I just couldn't get back to sleep. SO I decided to just get up and do some Wii Fit. I have been awake ever since. The kids are still asleep. Watching the morning news; which if you know me you know I NEVER get up this early!. So I am just wide awake. I plan to take a shower very shortly. The phone has been ringing this morning. I usually HATE to answering the phone but I have answered al the calls. Of course they all want money LOL.
Yesterday someone I know had a scary incident with their kid. The child choked on some food they were eatting. And thanks to their quick thinking the child is fine today but it could have been worse. If you aren't certified in child CPR you should be. If you have a child, you should go. If you have babysitters that watch your kids, they should be certified too. You can go to the local hospital (call first) and take a free course. You can also do so online. But the website on what you need to do in the event that your child DOES choke (come on folks, kids shove too much into their mouths on a daily basis if we don't monitor it.) Check out the website won't you? www.americanheart.org and search for child choking. Learn it, KNOW IT, because in the heat of that moment you want your instincts to take over, if you KNOW it then you won't have to worry about forgetting it! I've had to do it on Zachary at 2 weeks old and thank GOD that I knew what I was doing! You never know, so learn it. Ladies, and gentlement, make sure everyone that is around your kid is certified or at least knows the proceedures! Ok, I am done on my soapbox.

Kids

So, I often wonder how I got to be so lucky with my kids. Yes, they get on my nerves, what kid wouldn't? But they are so full of love. Rose spent 5 whole minutes just covering me in hugs and kisses. And I would wrap my arms around her and vibrate and she LOVED it. She kept saying, AGAIN AGAIN! Then she stood up and did this very cute dance that reminded me of something that Shirley Temple would have done in a cute moment. I kept asking her to do it again and again and she did no complaints she just did it.
Zach has become this little man, that I am proud to be his mother. He is one of the smartest kids I know, and he's one of the sweetest most loving. He thinks of others before himself, what kid does that? Maybe yours? I dunno, list some things that your kid does that makes you smile! I would love to read those.