I haven't blogged in four years. That's a sin! So much has happened. So much i wish to never discuss. Life sucks and is so fucking hard. My mother in law died six months after my father. That was a huge blow to me. Losing two people who meant so much to me just made my mind explode. I made huge mistakes for all the wrong reasons. How do you recover from so much pain? I still have yet to figure that out. My kids are growing up too fast for me. Zach is 11 and Rose is 8. Zach is officially a middle schooler....when?? He was this little elvin creature I held in my arms. Now he is almost too bug to cuddle.  I still try though. Rose is my snuggler. I kive that. She's one of the best people i know. So is Zach, both with these big hearts that make me proud.  I don't know what i would do without them in my life. What do i say? I love them so much. Life is so short and I wish it wasnt. My heart breaks so much every day. With so much loss, i dont know how to keep my shit together. Ive had my heart broken and stomped on. I wish i could go back in time and undo things i did. Any way, soon as I have more to say I will blogg again.